You know it’s bad when you’re awake at 12:30 am wondering when life is finally going to fall into place.
And yes, I understand life is what I make it, but sometimes I really wish life would just hang a giant, flashing, neon sign with an arrow pointing on it telling me which door I need to walk through.
It’s been rough, people have asked me more times than I can count when I am going to grow up, or how on earth I am going to succeed on my path, or when I’m going to settle down, get married, have kids.
I think the most important question that no one asks anymore is, “are you happy?”
Yes, I am happy. The people I have in my life are uplifting, they are people I can rely on, people I care about, people that enrich my soul. I one told someone that I only put time into people that are important to me. I know that sounds really harsh, but if I can’t see how a person is a keystone to the person I want to be, I am not going to make the effort to stay in touch. I am happy with my job. Yes, I may be absolutely miserable when I don’t get the part that I want, or the callback I knew I had in the bag, but every audition I attend, I learn more about my craft.
So you know, maybe I’m not on TV or walking a red carpet yet, but I know that with hard work and perseverance, I will be. If you reach for the moon, you might end up among the stars.
As for the husband, family, kids, all of that is out of my hands. I will be completely honest and say that at 24 I feel like I’m losing time to have kids, but I have faith that God would not have given me a nurturing heart and never allow me to have a home, a husband, children of my own.
A lot of people tell me that I should worry about my career more, but I don’t want to be one of those people who worries about whether they are wanted because of their fame or because of the person that they are inside. I want to date someone who was my friend before they became something more. Relationships, romantic or not, are important in this business, and I do not enter into them lightly.
I always thought blogging was for the witty, the intelligent, the people who say what others want to hear, but I can’t do that. I have made a pact to be raw and open on here, and whether one or one hundred people read this, it matters not because I say what I feel and maybe somewhere someone is reading this and thinking, ‘yeah! I totally get what she feels, I’m not alone.” And if I make one person feel not alone in this great, wide world, then I have done my job.